_bloggie_
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
currently clearing leave... that's why i'm so free.... gonna ORD next friday, but i have mixed feelings....
last yr ard this time, someone told me if i'm willing to wait for at least one more yr, i said yes.... but from wad i saw in msn, i guess i'll be wasting my time waiting.... however, i dun mind... i still just can't put down....
i still remember when my sister told me tat that someone told her tat my temper is very bad, everytime lose it for no reason... But... have that someone think back, when did i anyhow lose my temper in the starting of the year??? it's only when she kept things from me and i saw somethings tat i shouldn't have seen it, my temper starts to turn real bad...
if she ever read this blog... can u ask urself, before those things happen, did i anyhow lose my temper???
ppl have been asking me to go into a new relationship, but how?? when i can't even put down the previous one...
i guess i'll just have to let nature takes it's own course....
deadly raced @ |5/25/2010 03:40:00 pm|
Sunday, February 07, 2010
I'm back here to post becos i have things i wanna take off my chest, but i just couldn't find anyone to talk to.... anyway, no one visits here anymore...
chinese new year is just round the corner, but i just dun feel like celebrating... memories r just too much for me handle...
1 year ago, before, during and after CNY tat period, was the best time of my life until now... the memories r still so fresh in my mind... this year, CNY and valentines' day falls on the same day and tat makes me feel more worst... haizzz...
I'm still waiting for the day to come, but i dunno if it will really come... am i stupid?? guess i am... every single day, not a moment i stop missing that someone... i'm always waiting for a call, a sms or even email, but i guess i'm like waiting in vain...
i still keep the things tat have our memories, i will not throw it away unless it's really time to throw..
I have 4 more months till my ORD, i have started planning for my studies... few weeks back, i suddenly have this thinking... i felt like going to overseas to study, somewhere like Australia... SG have too much sad memories for me... if i get to go overseas to study, i might even consider staying to work or even staying there for good.... sometimes, i dun even wanna ORD cos i dun wanna see the date as i'm afraid things gonna be bad....
i dunno wad i should do... money is the only problem to study overseas... sooo... i'll see how it goes...
I'M STILL WAITING.....
deadly raced @ |2/07/2010 06:03:00 pm|
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Went fishing at pasir ris park on saturday... first time fish with my new rod, fished about 5 hrs... caught 3 fishes, the 1st and 3 rd one din fight much so not very shiok... the 2nd fish damm fierce sia, i fought from the side of the pond to the center part sia... Shiok man... felt happy but sad at the same time... cos that place holds memories, which i just can't stop thinking.... too bad those days won't come anymore...
on sunday, oso national day, went to marina south to watch fireworks.... was there ard 7 and it was alr very crowded... wait abt 1 and a half hour for tat 1 min or so de fireworks, sounds abit stupid... in the middle, had a close up of the chinook flying the singapore flag and the escorting helicopters.... when the fireworks were going off, ppl ard me were cheering and clapping, but suddenly i have this sad feeling tat overcame me... how i wish tat someone was there to enjoy the fireworks wif me, but i know tat's all my wishful thinking.... someone is enjoying her happy and blissful life right now, having someone beside who can provide things tat i can't... haizzz... me and my stupid brain....
FEELING SO FUCKED UP FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS.... HELP!!!!! CAN SOMEBODY JUST GIVE ME ONE FUCKING TIGHT SLAP???!!!!!!!!!!
deadly raced @ |8/11/2009 11:30:00 pm|
Sunday, July 12, 2009
here i am doing duty on a sunday again... this is my 3rd sunday duty... everytime i do sunday duty, i'll always remember my first every sunday duty, which happens to be my first ever duty in unit... being staying out for like 1 month plus, suddenly have to stay in sure feel very sian, plus we have been seeing each other everyday and of cos sure very sad if can't meet....
i still can remember receiving a sms from her after i got home... to me, tat is one long, touching and very meaningful msg, i was super touch by the msg and my eyes turn red upon finishing reading the msg.... but the things which were said inside, all r just cheap talk and do not mean anything to her... hiazzz... no one can understand how sad i was tat day when i was doing my duty....
until now, it still hurts each time i think back of the past, like i've said before, it's difficult to erase all memories... actually, all the while i have prepared for the day to come, cos i know tat many things she lied to me... but i din expect things ended to soon... but when tat fateful day arrived, i know the end has came... maybe to her, i'm just a passerby in her life and i will not be remembered by her anymore... out of sudden,everything i did went down the drain... but it's ok, i rather i'm the one living with pain...
Can someone bring me out of the darkness???
deadly raced @ |7/12/2009 11:04:00 pm|
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Today just gotta to know tat i will be going for a 2 weeks course, starting from 15 july at sembawang camp.... it's a stay out course, which i used to look forward to in the past... but now, whether i get to stay out or not, doesn't really matters anymore...
whenever i'm alone, i just dun understand why those memories keep flashing back in my mind... to be truth, that few months were the happiest days i ever had and i guess it's just too difficult to forget...
can't describe my feelings, it's like tat someone is happy and enjoying her life and i'm here feeling so down.... WTF sia.... ppl ard me know tat i'm down but they dunno why, i'm so sorry tat i can't say.... they have been telling me, why make myself like tat?? does she knows how i'm feeling right now?? I guess the answer is NO... who will care abt u when they r enjoying their happy life.... Who am i?? the answer is a SUBSTITUTE!!!! Stupid me....
believe or not, i'm not who i am in past anymore... i'm not happy at all, all i do is to put up a cheerful front to others.... i wanna find my old self back but i just can't... who can help?? haha... NO ONE, i guess.... fuck this world
deadly raced @ |7/02/2009 09:55:00 pm|
Thursday, June 25, 2009
have been busy over the past few days and had an off day today....
went for a detail with ibnu, alvin, wilson, jashua and naren, from sunday to wednesday.... it was for the asia pacific submarine conference and tat was my second vip detail only.... although this detail was much more tiring than the first, but compare to the first one, which is the IMDEX detail, had more fun wid the navy peeps... the welfare they gave, was soooo goood tat we can't ask for more.... haha.... we r only the drivers, but they treat us like one of them... the officers and vips invited us for meals together, went sightseeing wif them and many more....
one of the vip from thailand tat i drive ard, tot tat my frens and i were officers... haha... cos we wore civillian clothes for tat detail and she said tat soldiers in thailand do not present themselves so well.... my officer brought her to haw par villa and little india, and they invite to walk with them... haha... bo bian, i have to walk with them in my long sleeves shirt and the bloody weather was soo hot can.... haha.. at the end of the detail, the vip gave me chocolates... haha... although it's just chocolates, but that shows tat ppl recognise ur effort.... lol...
the whole detail would be perfect, if the 2 minor incidents did not occur.... but it's alright, no one would want to tat to happen....
last night after booking out, went to clarke quay wif keith, vanessa and her frens.... it has been a long time since i went to clarke quay.... some past memories came back when i went to pump room to visit my frens.... i was sitting at the very same table when i last went there in February, chatting wif my ex colleagues.... haizzz... so sian... i dunno why those memories just won't leave me alone....
was at clarke quay for a couple of hours, then we went to DBL O... cos van's bf was there and ask us to join in... guess wad... more memories came flowing in my mind again... wasn't enjoying myself there actually... had a few drinks and of kinda of high last night, but keith was worst... haha... almost drunk....
we left ard 5... i drove keith home in his car, cos he is not in the state to drive.... haha... i was more sober than him... luckily last night dun have any road blocks... lol... but almost had a few accidents on the expressway, cos i doze off a a few times... heng ar.... safely reached home...
i guess memories can't go away easily... i have stopped going so many places which have special memories... but there r some i still go, due to frens who wanna go.... i guess i have to take it in my stride ba....
deadly raced @ |6/25/2009 10:16:00 pm|
Monday, June 15, 2009
someone asked me to update my blog and i just guess u r the only person who still visit my blog... lol...
I wanna apologize beforehand for wad i'm gonna do in the near furture, i hope u will not hold it against me....
wad has been done, cannot be undone... wad has been said, cannot be unsaid... no point looking back.... i'm slowly picking up the broken pieces in my life and i can see tat u r happy wif ur life now.... thanks for the happy memories u brought to me and like wad i've said before, it will be kept in a special place in my heart till the day i die... hope u all can have a wonderful future and i wish u happiness....
no matter it takes 1 month or 1 year, i guess nothing would change... unless, u can prove tat i'm wrong, but mostly likely u won't bothered cos ur explaination nvr came....
I'm now planning to do things tat i've promised not to... becos promises r not meant to be kept, they r meant to be broken.... although somethings i wanna do r dangerous, but if i die while doing something i like, i think it's worth it....
So ppl, if one day i suddenly leaves this world, pls do remember me as ur fren....
I wanna thank 2 best fren of mine, u know who u r, thanks for being there to listen to my sorrows and helping me when i needed help... really, thanks a millions....
my foolish thinking: I tot substitution only happens in sports... wahaha... stupid me...
deadly raced @ |6/15/2009 07:56:00 pm|
